The postpartum period is often portrayed as a magical time for bonding with your newborn.
But let’s be real: every new mom experiences a whirlwind of emotions, from pure joy to overwhelming doubt.
These feelings are part of the motherhood journey, but sometimes they go beyond the usual ups and downs. When emotions feel too intense or unmanageable, it could be something more serious, like postpartum depression (PPD).
In this blog, we’ll dive into what postpartum depression is, its signs, and causes, and how you can navigate this challenging time with practical strategies and support.
Whether you’re a new mom, an expecting parent, or someone supporting a loved one, understanding PPD is a crucial step toward healing.
What is Postpartum Depression (PPD)?
Postpartum depression is a mental health condition that affects mothers after childbirth. Unlike the temporary "baby blues," which usually go away within two weeks, PPD involves more intense and long-lasting emotions, such as sadness, hopelessness, and exhaustion. The "baby blues" are common and might cause mood swings, crying spells, or anxiety. In contrast, Postpartum Depression can interfere with your ability to care for yourself or your baby and may require professional treatment.
Postpartum Support International reports that around 1 in 5 women and 1 in 10 men may experience depression and anxiety during the perinatal period, which includes pregnancy, the postpartum period, and after a loss. However, these figures could be higher, particularly among parents facing elevated stress levels.
Signs and Symptoms of Postpartum Depression
Postpartum depression can show up in different ways for different mothers. Here are some common signs to watch for:
● Persistent sadness or low mood: You may feel down or empty most of the time, even when there’s no clear reason.
● Difficulty bonding with your baby: You might struggle to feel a connection with your baby or feel guilty for not feeling the joy you expected.
● Feeling overwhelmed or hopeless: The responsibilities of motherhood may feel too heavy, making you question if you’re doing enough.
● Irritability or anger: Small things may trigger frustration or anger more easily than usual.
● Changes in appetite or sleep: You may find yourself eating or sleeping much more or less than usual, even when your baby isn’t the reason.
Recognizing these symptoms early can lead to quicker support and recovery. Since all women experience emotional fluctuations, it’s important to realize that these feelings are normal.
If you notice these feelings lasting more than a couple of weeks or interfering with your daily life, reach out to a healthcare professional or trusted support group.
What Causes Postpartum Depression?
Postpartum depression doesn’t have a single cause, it’s often a combination of physical, emotional, and social factors. Let’s break down some of the common contributors:
1. Hormonal Shifts Post-Birth
After childbirth, your hormone levels (especially estrogen and progesterone) drop sharply. This sudden change can affect your brain chemistry, leading to mood swings and feelings of sadness or anxiety.
2. Sleep Deprivation and Physical Recovery
Caring for a newborn often means sleepless nights and physical exhaustion. Lack of rest, combined with the physical recovery from childbirth, can take a toll on your mental health, leaving you feeling overwhelmed and irritable.
3. Emotional Stress and Societal Expectations
Adjusting to life as a new parent can be emotionally taxing. There’s pressure to "bounce back" quickly, keep a perfect home, and be the ideal parent. These unrealistic expectations can lead to feelings of inadequacy and isolation.
4. Unmet Expectations
Sometimes, the reality of motherhood doesn’t match the expectations we set for ourselves. As Golden Tears Therapyexplains, unmet expectations can contribute significantly to emotional distress. Whether it’s challenges with breastfeeding, struggles to bond with your baby, or feeling unsupported, these experiences can amplify feelings of guilt and sadness.
Erin’s Story
Postpartum Depression and Anxiety was an EFFED up parting gift from plummeting hormones… it didn't help that I had anxiety and depression most of my life, OCD and a slew of other comorbidities that amplified the “drowning” feeling that accompanied my transition into parenthood. My PPD started shortly after the birth of my son and I ignored the signs until around the 8 month mark when I finally sought help. Waiting longer for it to "go away" doesn’t work. In fact, it makes things WORSE.
On the one hand, I was overjoyed and full of pride as I watched Christian grow and blossom into his being! On the other hand, my brain was wrecked with disappointment, feelings of overwhelm and worthlessness and inability to see any little thing as a victory.
I’m a perfectionist, and as such I struggle with the idea that I may not be perfect at all. In fact, I might just be the polar opposite *gasp*! So I hope my story helps some of you find little breadcrumbs of hope along this dark and winding path, because I am so grateful for whoever left them for ME to follow!
After the birth of my son, I started to experience postpartum depression with anxiety. You’re not alone if you are feeling like you aren’t bonding with newborn or loving your new role as a mother; it’s not like the movies or the sappy diaper commercials. This shit is hard. My experience with postpartum depression started quickly and with a colicky newborn it was a recipe for an emotional disaster. The first 2 weeks, I slept less than 3 hours each night. He was up every 15-30 mins non-stop. I couldn't eat. I couldn't drink...this started to tank my supply, so I had issues breastfeeding. I wanted out, I wanted to give him up, and I wanted to run away from my new role as a mother.
Within the first week we were home I was feeling really off. I wanted to get fresh air so I walked around the block sweating because I was pushing myself too hard. I had 4th degree stitches from tearing and I had just had a baby. I should not have been walking, but it was strange and it felt good. I just wanted to move my body. Maybe it was the anxiety kicking in and it was the only way I knew to deal with it at the time. It was really strange... I felt like I could’ve lifted my car with one hand.
Four weeks after he was born, some of our best friends came to visit from out of town to help and meet Christian and I was so relieved to have them there but I wanted to feel normal so badly when they were there. It was then I had really noticed how terrible I was feeling, but I was embarrassed. My closest friends knew I was going through big hormonal changes and they assured me it was all to pass soon. I didn’t want to be honest and tell them I was struggling. How would you tell someone that?
I had everything I had ever prayed for and I was miserable. Why am I not thankful? Do I love him? Is this the feeling of love or anxiety for your child? I was confused, I had so many things running through my head.
I literally prayed to God to let a car hit me so I could end it all. His crying started to just all sound the same and I got used to it in a way. I became numb and could care less, I didn’t want him to be upset or hurting but I had literally done everything I could. Numerous pediatrician visits asking how I could help him-- I wanted to know if it was something more serious going on with him that might be causing him to be miserable. I just couldn’t find the right way to soothe him-- it’s a terrible feeling and you get so defeated when you can’t help your baby feel better. They thought he may have acid reflux, CMPA and colic. I was forced to eliminate all dairy, caffeine, and gassy foods from my diet.
I would have given anything to know more moms that had colic babies; I could’ve reached out and known it would get better. I had no idea it would get better.
My Mom stayed with us when he was 3 months and my son was up so much I forgot how many times I got up. There were diapers piled up on the changing table, my eyes were completely blood shot, and I was beyond exhausted. He was still not sleeping more than 10-30 minutes at a time and when he woke up he was screaming. I thought he was dying or something was terribly wrong with him. Most nights were like this and it would go on most of the day. He would have some quiet times in the middle of the day, but in general he was such a miserable baby. It broke my heart and pissed me off at the same time. He was awake a lot. He screamed a lot due to gas and discomfort. He was a really hard baby.
As a mother, we have rational and irrational fears. These were consuming me all day and I felt enraged, I was tired of being defeated with my son. I was just becoming so incredibly bitchy and angry. I hated myself. 💔
I am one of those people, and I know so many moms and dads who were caught completely off guard.
While most of us, but not all of us, will only experience Baby Blues, it is important that we understand the signs of the more severe conditions of Postpartum Depression and Postpartum Anxiety as well as the risk factors.
Studies have shown that there are risk factors that may mean a mother is more susceptible to either PPD or PPA, which include the mildest of characteristics such as lack of social support, recent stressful life events, poor partnership, difficult infant temperament, low self-esteem, childcare difficulty, single parenting, lower socioeconomic status, and unplanned pregnancies.
It can happen to anyone and in sharing our story-- and MY story--. I want to stress to all those new Mom's and expecting Mom's to please take care of yourself. When I started opening up about my experience, asking questions from doctors and therapists, and being open about how I was really feeling, I very slowly felt a small glimmer of hope. It’s embarrassing to admit that you are struggling. Sharing your darkest thoughts about your experience with postpartum depression and anxiety is terrifying because it’s not talked about enough. WHY ARE WE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS? ! It was a huge relief and the beginning of healing for me when I learned that other moms struggled with postpartum depression and anxiety.
I wasn’t alone and I wasn’t crazy. And neither are you.
Practical Steps to Improve Emotional Wellness
If you’re experiencing postpartum depression, taking small, practical steps can improve your emotional well-being. Here are some effective ways to support yourself during this time:
1. Seek Professional Help Before You Deliver
Pregnancy is the perfect time to seek out a Perinatal therapist. Anxiety about labour and delivery is normal but talking to a professional can help make a world of difference, and establish a very important relationship with that therapist for the postpartum period. Seeking professional help might be one of the best things you can do for your mental health, as well as the emotional health of your baby.
Perinatal Therapy or Counseling
Talking to someone trained to help, like a therapist, can really make a difference. One way to prepare in advance for any emotional strain is to research therapists before the baby arrives, establish a relationship, and book an initial session.
This proactive approach allows you to talk about any fears or anxieties about birth and prepares you for follow-ups after the baby is born.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is one option that can help you reframe negative thoughts and teach you coping tools.
Sometimes, just having someone listen and guide you through your emotions can bring relief.
Medication
If therapy alone doesn’t feel like enough, medication can be an option. Hurting yourself or your baby can sometimes only be prevented with medication so if a doctor prescribes something, it could be what helps you feel more like yourself. It can allow you to seek the support you require in order to eventually eliminate the need for medication. There’s no shame in needing a little extra support when you're going through this.
2. Build a Support Network
Postpartum depression can feel isolating, but you're not alone—many new mothers experience it. This doesn’t mean you're failing as a mother. Emotional strain after childbirth is common, so it’s important to talk about it and line up a support system before the arrival of your newborn. Having the support of loved ones in place can make a world of difference when you need it most.
Lean on Family and Friends
Share your feelings with someone you trust—whether it’s a partner, a friend, or a family member. You don’t have to pretend everything is fine or hide your emotions. Talking about your struggles with someone can help you lift some of the weight off your shoulders and let others step in to support you.
Support Groups
Along with support from loved ones, online resources can be a big help too. The Helping Hands-- Prenatal, Infancy, Childhood & Adolescence Support Group is a group with wonderful moderators and parents who understand exactly what you're going through. Postpartum Support International andGolden Tears Therapy are great options if you’re looking for understanding and guidance. They offer support groups, counseling referrals, and other resources to help you through this time.
You don’t have to face postpartum depression alone—reaching out to them could be a great step toward finding the help and connection you deserve.
3. Practice Self-Care
Now, I know it might feel impossible to carve out time for yourself when you’re a new mom. But self-care isn’t about grand gestures—it’s about taking small steps to nourish your body and mind, even in little ways.
Journaling
I highly recommend writing down your thoughts and feelings. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy—just getting your emotions out can help you process them. Sometimes, putting it on paper can take a load off your shoulders.
Breathwork, Stretching or Mindfulness
Simple things like stretching, breathing exercises, or short mindfulness practices can reduce stress and help you stay present. Even if you only have five minutes in your day, those moments can make a huge difference. Apps like Breathwrk are simple and easy to use to get you a few minutes of relief whenever needed.
Sleep and Nutrition
Sleep might feel like a luxury right now, but even small efforts to get rest can help. Try to prioritize sleep. Eating nutritious meals is another small change that can make a big impact. You don’t have to have a perfect diet—just aim for balance where you can.
4. Be Patient with Yourself
This is a big one. Healing takes time, and the pressure to feel "back to normal" quickly is unfair. As emotional challenges are part of the postpartum journey, be kind to yourself when they arise.
Offer Grace
It’s easy to feel like you’re failing when things aren’t perfect, but please remember—you’re going through one of the biggest transitions of your life. It’s okay if you’re not feeling 100%. Give yourself grace, just as you would for a friend going through the same thing.
Progress Over Perfection
Don’t worry about being perfect. Focus on small steps, even the tiny ones. Celebrate those moments of progress, whether it’s getting out of bed, reaching out to a friend, or having a good moment with your baby.
Healing is a journey, not a race. You don’t have to do everything all at once, and you don’t have to be perfect. The key is to take things one step at a time.
That said, getting a few things prepared ahead of time can really help ease your worries when the baby arrives, allowing you to focus on bonding with your little one instead of feeling overwhelmed by everything else.
The Bottom Line
Postpartum depression doesn’t define you, nor does it define the love you have for your baby. It’s a tough journey, but it’s one you don’t have to walk alone.
Every woman experiences emotional ups and downs after giving birth, and it’s essential to prepare for those feelings in advance.
By putting a plan in place before your baby arrives—whether it’s finding healthcare providers, building a support network, setting up self-care routines, or even booking therapy sessions in advance—you’ll be better equipped to handle the emotional challenges when they arise. With a strong network of family, friends, and experts ready to support you, the journey becomes a little easier.
Remember, asking for help is a sign of strength, and healing takes time—and that’s completely okay. Be gentle with yourself. Even on the tough days, know that you’re doing your best, and that’s all anyone can ask for.
As Jill Churchill said, “There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one.”
This quote is a beautiful reminder that being a great mom isn’t about being flawless or having everything figured out in advance. It’s about showing up, loving your baby, and taking care of yourself along the way. One step at a time, you’ll find your rhythm. Keep going, mama—you’ve got this!
Story Credit: Erin Koon, Owner of Helping Hands-- Prenatal, Infancy, Childhood & Adolescence Support Group on Facebook
